An obituary doesn't have to tell a whole life to tell the truth about someone. A few accurate details can make it feel like them: a habit, a place they loved, the way they turned up for other people.
Start with the facts you can confirm, then add the memories that matter. If it's easier, write a short notice now and a fuller obituary later.
What belongs in an obituary?
Most obituaries name the person, say that they've died, describe something of their life, name the family relationships that matter, and give service or memorial details if they're ready to share.
Here's an outline you can work from:
- Name, age if the family wants it included, and date of death.
- A short description of the person's life and character.
- Relationships, work, interests or community ties that mattered to them.
- Surviving family, and people who died before them, as fits.
- Service details, a note that the service is private, or where updates will appear.
- A donation preference or a thank-you, if the family wants one.
You can change the order. The most important story about someone may be a friendship, a craft, or years of caring for another person. A job title isn't always the point.
How do you make it sound like the person?
Ask two or three people for one specific memory each. "She was generous" is kind. "She always packed an extra lunch in case someone had forgotten theirs" lets the reader see that generosity for themselves.
Pick details your family is comfortable sharing. You don't need to lay out private struggles, and you don't have to smooth a complicated relationship into something untrue. A respectful obituary can be short and accurate without pretending every part of a life was simple.
Read the draft out loud. If a sentence sounds like something nobody in the family would say, rewrite it in everyday words. Contractions, ordinary language and a little warmth are completely fine.
A complete example
The following obituary is fictional. All names and details are invented to demonstrate the form.
Eleanor “Ellie” Hart, 78, died on September 12, 2026. She spent much of her life in the company of books, neighbors, and a garden that always had room for one more tomato plant.
Ellie worked as a school librarian for 28 years. She remembered children’s favorite stories long after they had outgrown the shelves where she first found them. At home, she was the person people called for a recipe, a spare key, or a patient conversation.
She is survived by her partner, Robin; her children, Mae and Jonah; and four grandchildren. Her brother, Peter, died before her.
The family will hold a private gathering. Friends are invited to remember Ellie by sharing a favorite book with someone or supporting a local literacy organization of their choice. The family is grateful to the friends and neighbors who helped care for her during her final months.
This example gives a real sense of someone without a long timeline of their life. Yours can be more formal, shorter, or funnier if that suits the person and the family agrees.
Do you have to include the cause of death?
No. An obituary can mention a death without explaining what caused it. Decide what your family wants to share, and check the wording with the people closest to it.
If you do mention an illness, an accident or another sensitive circumstance, use accurate words and don't guess. Anything public can be copied, and it stays searchable even after the original notice is edited.
Check privacy and practical information
Think hard before publishing a home address, private contact details or anything about children. If the service is private, say so plainly. Listing a location and hoping only invited people come doesn't work.
Check dates, names, pronouns, relationships, venue addresses and donation links. Someone in the family who didn't write the draft will often spot a missing name or a wrong service time more easily.
Ask the publisher about word limits, fees, photo requirements, corrections, and how long the notice stays online. A newspaper notice and a longer obituary on a website may need different versions.
What if you cannot find the right opening?
Start with a plain, factual sentence and keep going. You can fix it once the rest is written. A first line like "Michael loved being outside and rarely arrived without something to share" may lead you to the memories that come next.
What you're aiming for is a true glimpse of the person, plus clear details on how people can remember them. It doesn't need to read like a formal biography.
Frequently asked questions
How long should an obituary be?
Whatever length suits the person, the publisher and the family's budget. A short notice can mean a lot. A longer one has room for more stories.
Who should approve it?
Ask the closest family members who should be involved to check sensitive details, relationships and service information before it's published.
Can it include humor?
Yes, if the humor sounds like the person and will feel kind to the people reading it. A phrase they always used, or a gentle habit, often works well.
Can I publish it before arrangements are final?
Yes. You can share a short notice and say service details will follow. Make sure people know where the update will appear.
Sources and editorial basis
- FTC: Funeral Costs and Pricing Checklist, for treating obituary notices as a possible outside cost.
- The writing method, fictional example and editing suggestions are original HonestFarewell editorial guidance.